I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots. ~ Michael Douglas, Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Look at all the pin holes at the bottom of the notice. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. And which statistic will actually surprise us? Oh, a thought crossed your mind? The only bathroom law Im interested in is one that bans loud sighing. As a child my familys menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. That's discrimination! f youre going to do something tonight that youll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. I had plastic surgery last week I cut up my credit cards. The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. Dont get caught with nothing to say. Opposites attract, right? 69. 82. The tenth is just humming. Who is that? Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching. A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. I hope no one is sick or this gonna be a real mess. Talk is cheapbut then again, so are you. ~ Jay Leno, They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February. ~ Henny Youngman, There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one. You're the reason God created the middle finger. We here at Bored Panda have collected a list of times when (mostly) well-meaning notices were mercilessly trolled with funny jokes by people who just had to take the bait and leave their mark. 2. See our disclosure for more info. Scroll down below to check the office jokes, frivolous complaints, and blatantly hilarious remarks out for yourself! Some fit better than others. 4. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? . Odds by being killed by fireworks arent super-high according to the Florida Museum of Natural History, but it does happen. .tasty-pins-banner-container{display:block;margin-bottom:20px;position:relative;width:-moz-fit-content;width:fit-content}.tasty-pins-banner-container a{cursor:pointer;display:flex;font-size:14px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:1px;line-height:1.8em;text-transform:uppercase}.tasty-pins-banner-container a:hover{opacity:1}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner{align-items:center;bottom:0;cursor:pointer;display:flex;justify-content:center;left:0;padding-bottom:1em;padding-top:1em;position:absolute;right:0}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner svg{margin-right:4px;width:32px}.tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner span{margin-top:4px}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner{text-decoration:none}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner:hover{opacity:.8}.tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner-image-link{flex-direction:column}.tasty-pins-banner-container a img{margin-bottom:0}.entry-content .wp-block-image .tasty-pins-banner-container img{margin-bottom:0;padding-bottom:0}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container .tasty-pins-banner{padding-bottom:1em!important;padding-top:1em;text-decoration:none}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner{cursor:pointer;display:flex;font-size:14px;font-weight:700;line-height:1.8em;text-transform:uppercase}#et-boc .et-l div .et_pb_image_wrap .tasty-pins-banner-container a.tasty-pins-banner span{letter-spacing:2px;margin-top:4px}.et-db #et-boc .et-l .et_pb_module .tasty-pins-banner-container a:not(.wc-forward){padding-bottom:0}, Im stuck between I need to save money. and You only live once. ~ Anonymous, Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous, Ive done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. 2). We here at Bored Panda have collected a list of times when (mostly) well-meaning notices were mercilessly trolled with funny jokes by people who just had to take the bait and leave their mark. 28. An electric dog polisher. 68. People often say that motivation doesnt last. Peace be with you! 39. Nov 3, 2011, 11:58 AM. Beanie baby enthusiast. I dont believe in astrology; Im a Sagittarius and were skeptical. ~ Bill Vaughn, When a fellow says it aint the money but the principle of the thing, its the money. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. "Sitting there, it is impossible to change your luck. You can eat 32,000-year-old honey. A verbal contract isnt worth the paper its written on. ~ e. e. cummings, Its amazing how fast later comes when you buy now! These funny quotes are some of the best we could find from hilarious actors and comics alike. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. 17. [Read: How to be funny and make someone laugh over text just by being YOU]. In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a persons yard. Keep Inspiring Me. Looking for a good laugh? Weve got you covered with a huge list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. Dont let schooling interfere with your education. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. I wouldnt camp out for five days if was camping. Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. 41. 101. As you get older three things happen. These funny quotes about money are from some of the greatest minds, scholars, presidents, actors, comedians among others so you know theyll make you LOL!! Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. Id punch you in the face, but the thought of touching your face disgusts me. This factors in all tax returns filed including those filed by billionaires and huge corporations. 91. 2 I've never liked spy movies, and I have no interest in trying to decode what all your mixed messaged mean. You are living proof that manure can learn to walk and talk. Improving your finances doesn't need to be a huge undertaking. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. On Christmas, if you want to wish me with a Christmas gift, then gift me yourself. I never even listen when you tell me them. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Id love to insult you, but you probably wouldnt understand. When the note is a passive-aggressive complaint about something petty, the urge to give an appropriately hilarious response or make an office prank out of it must be downright irresistible! Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. You are still hopelessly, ridiculously, madly, head over heels in love with me. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. And sometimes you go out shopping and theres nothing you like. My mission is to help busy moms get it all done with simple solutions to manage the family finances and keep your home in orderall while getting healthy meals on the tableon time and on a budget, ANDstill have time to follow your passions. Europe (start here) Cities. Please check link and try again. 27. Its true, there arent a whole lot of people who get struck by lightning according to the National Safety Council but it does happen. 43. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. ~ Lana Turner, The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any. Hey, I can see straight to the back of your head when I look into your eyes! We tend to view humor as an ancillary leadership behavior. I dont want to achieve immortality through my work. I dont know where you got your looks, but I hope you kept the receipt. When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. Top Funny Quotes I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! That's so rude You are very lucky. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. According to London Vision Clinic, if you choose a good surgeon your chances of going blind are extremely slim. It is big enough to take care of itself. The road to success is always under construction. 99. ~ Oscar Wilde, People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. ~ Joan Rivers, Money is not the most important thing in the world, love is. It's all-natural and organic. 21. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. If ignorance barrel prices go up, I want drilling rights to his head. 96. 04. I feel ten years older already. A little too into jello. Keep in mind, though, your odds are zero if you dont try. 8. The only style we don't publish is satire news, because you already know where to get that. 22. I thought you already knew you were a sociopath. If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, its another nonconformist who doesnt conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity. ~ David Lee Roth, Whats the use of happiness? Another way to respond to a funny Tinder pickup line is to ask a question in response that will either make your match think about the answer, or that has a humorous answer itself. Now quiet! Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Improve your finances in the next 20 minutes. Just enter your name & email below and I'll send your guide straight to your inbox! . Ta-Da! 29. 5. Im a little busy right now, but Id love the chance to ignore you some other time. Good morning, handsome. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. ~ Steve Martin, Money wont make you happy but everyone wants to find out for themselves. Just because you have a dick doesnt mean you need to act like one. Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same time! A biter. Never try to force a conversation with someone whom you don't like much. It cant buy you money. 80. If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. Youll never be even half the man your mother is. If I had a dollar for every compliment I've received so far, I'd be a billionaire. Paging Agent Cody Banks. A fun retort is: These funny compliments for girls are ideal when you want to flirt with her, but you don't want to get too hot and heavy. some businesses don't respond to any as a rule. A smile is a facelift thats in everyones price range! I guess I'm lucky I've never been in that kind of office. The person who told you to be yourself gave you some bad advice. Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. It's reverse socialism. 26. Thats why Im rooting for your penis. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesnt work that way. ~ George Burns, I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet. Then quit. By Dylan Magner. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ~ Robert Orben, A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. ~ Will Smith, Money doesnt change you. ~ Tim Ferriss, Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. Some of these are clearly assholes being assholish. 69. These humorous observation quotes are a great way to reflect and add some levity to daily situations. Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. "I appreciate your apology.". Copyright 2012 - 2019 Avada | All Rights Reserved | Powered by, FREE eBook "20 Ways To Improve Your Finances In Under 20 Minutes". If you think you have it tough, read history books. ~ Sam Ewing, It doesnt matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up. ~ Anonymous, If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account. Haters are just confused admirers because they cant figure out the reason why everyone loves you. Please enter your email to complete registration. Following is our collection of funny Odds jokes. This means that if you follow 1,000 people on Twitter, one or two of them were probably born with an extra appendage which is medically known as polydactyly. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. That's why I was happy to find these random odds pictures for your perusal. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means. 6. So enjoy these 300 funny quotes, sayings, and observations and get laughing today. So if youre going to steal your neighbors newspaper, thats the time to do it. There is a chance that anything can happen. Theres a fine line between genius and insanity. I even got asked, why dont you put your lunch in the fridge anymore? Everyone loves to hear that they're funny. Avoid fruits and nuts. this is what i bite my tongue to 50% of time, when i'm with my friends who have children. Essentially, it can mean "Do you really think it will happen?" or "Don't you think it will happen?" Echo7 Senior Member Persian Feb 3, 2010 #5 This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. 2. The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. Just keep in mind that most people who are struck by lightning actually get hit from electricity traveling underground after the strike, so wear rubber-soled shoes and remember to crouch with your feet close together if a strike is possible. Someday, you might actually say something intelligent. There were never complains that something is missing. ~ Bob Hope, I rob banks because thats where the money is. 33 very creative insults to intellectually insult someone with your sarcasm, How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? I said, thyroid problem? Hold hands with the person next to you. It can be for celebrating holidays or due to sickness. Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache. Make a Joke That's Specific to the Person I once got a message reading, "So i looked at your thing, you seem pretty good." Which didn't exactly sweep me off my feet. 03 "Make me." This is good for friends, family or your lover. I suggest you do a little soul searching. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" Please continue while I take notes. ~ George Bernard Shaw, I am not worried about the deficit. Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman or a bad woman. A version of this article was originally published in December 2013. ~ Anonymous, Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.~ Mae West, Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month, others just go over them. I laughed way too hard at this. I want to take part in this game and make it a hell lot messier! I bought some pretty good stuff. Mkay. [Read: 20 wise medieval insults you could bring back into trend]. I own a puppet and am a ventriloquist; I hate the color orange; and I wash all my dishes by hand. "When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor." . And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you dont have the money to buy both. ~ Brooke Astor, People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage. Not paying bills. ~ Anonymous, It doesnt matter if youre black or white the only color that really matters is green. The only reason some people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory. Theyre broke their entire lives. But a confident bald man theres your diamond in the rough. More:35 Songs You Didnt Know Were (Allegedly) Plagiarized. You just live. Duh!". A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. Good luck trying to break this spell, because I know this is for life! 62. This person chose to go a more magical route with their bits and bytes. You do the math. Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch. When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, Compared to what?. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. "I am more patient and kind because of you.". 12 Study Hacks To Help You Master Anything, 6 Ways Body Language Affects Our Thoughts, 10 Things Successful People Do Every Day (and How to Do Them), 6 Things To Ask Yourself When You Feel Like Quitting. You should eat some of that makeup, so you can be pretty on the inside. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. The Wheel of Names is fun if you want to record or broadcast your random prize draw live. This submission is hidden. Ive never seen such a small mind inside such a large head before. Life begins at 40 but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. We respect your privacy. 67. 2. We hope our collection of funny quotes from comedians, celebrities, and philosophers made you laugh out loud and gives you the cheer you need to get through the day. If at first you dont succeed, try, try again. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. Then hes finished. A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. Mitch Hedberg A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. Whenever you take time off, it's important to let others know that you'll be out of the office for some time being. The following responses dont require wit, but do require a funny bone. 66. This is a classic sign! Id sue my parents if I had a face like yours. Nasty comebacks dont require a lot of wit; instead, these will land your target flat on their back and wallowing in self pity. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too. The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Its only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames. Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. The 225-character limit doesn't give you a ton of space to play with, so bait the hook with an enticing snippet of information that subtly . BILL! If your friend jokingly tells you to shut up when you're going on and on about something, this is a funny response that lets them know that you have no intention of closing your mouth. When I eventually met Mr. My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists. Rotting flesh is less offensive than you. Never follow anyone elses path. They are the kinds of odds that you probably wouldn't be thinking about on your own but you'll definitely get a kick out of them when you see them. Waiting for the guy who says "Uh, no, it means employees must wash their own hands. Keep talking. 45. [Read: How to learn to be witty and win over everyone in the room]. This is the biggest mistake guys make. If you live to be one hundred, youve got it made. Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past, 50 Frightening Pics That Make Us Want To Stay As Far Away From The Ocean As Possible (New Pics). When a man opens a car door for his wife, its either a new car or a new wife. My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. Funny Money Quotes About Being Broke I'm stuck between "I need to save money." and "You only live once." ~ Anonymous Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money ~ Anonymous I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. Its a before picture in one of those plastic surgery magazines, isnt it? 18. You can change your preferences. Its a shame you cant Photoshop your personality. 92. 64. I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife) but still my own. ~ Katharine Whitehorn, I made money the old-fashioned way. 1. !" Grovel factor: 2. ~ Joseph Addison, The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket. Nobody. ~ Benjamin Franklin, Money is like a sixth sense and you cant make use of the other five without it. The engineer replies "After a careful structural analysis, I calculate a 99.7% chance of crossing this bridge safely." But, you can always change the machine you are at!". 47. www.miniwebtool.com/random-picker 4. Joey Tribbiani is by far the funniest character on Friends. Some of these are funny and harmless. This response can either be funny or flirty, depending on who it is used with. Its always funny until someone gets hurt. ~ Douglas Adams, Moneys only something you need in case you dont die tomorrow. The interviewer will have the feeling that you always have your finger on your phone's Yes button. ~ Sex and the City, Anyone who tells you money is the root of all evil doesnt have any. Ive got all the money Ill ever need, if I die by four oclock. Looks like I overestimated the number of brain cells you have. ~ Tug McGraw, There is nothing wrong with women welcoming all mens advances, as long as they are all in cash. Please don't mess with lost pet signs. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. ~ Will Rogers, Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. ~ Bertolt Brecht, If inflation continues to soar, youre going to have to work like a dog just to live like one. But ask the same people what traits they value in a leader, and odds are that humor will not top the list. Are you always this dumb, or are you making a special effort today? Youre more likely to die driving to work than to be eaten by a shark! Were willing to bet youve heard this, like, a million times right? ~ Ronald Reagan, Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. Im not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. ~ Errol Flynn, Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. ~ Errol Flynn, Ive got all the money Ill ever need if I die by 4 oclock. ~ Stephen King, Too many people spend money to buy things they dont want to impress people they dont like. You may stop farting now. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Source. This post may contain affiliate links. Youre a ground-hugger. He that is content. 73. 71. Political correctness is tyranny with manners. Clever comebacks not only showcase your distastethey demonstrate your intelligence, too. ~ Anonymous, The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. A fool and his money never should have got together in the first place. Fans of Star Trek will love this one. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, "Can't Approve Overtime? James Hauenstein. You get to pick the color! Well yeah, it is your fault. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Storage Company Charges Client For Something That Never Existed, So She Pretends Like It Does And Now They Have To Find It, 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! Ah, sarcasm. Maybe you can Google it. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. Ask a job seeker what his or her weaknesses are and chances are they will say they work too hard. If a mutual connection referred the candidate, mention their name. Its always darkest before the dawn. Before we dive in, though, keep this in mind: A number of factors affect the real odds of something, especially your specific behavior. People they dont like even got asked, why dont you put your foot in your mouth and head. ~ Bill Vaughn, when I look into your eyes with the enemy notes in a persons yard dishes... Is too old to set a bad woman money, except by working for it to work for.! Isnt it being killed by fireworks arent super-high according to London Vision Clinic if. All my dishes by hand day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment your Income even! Leno, they were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, by... Haircut you used to jog but the principle of the other five it! According to London Vision Clinic, if inflation continues to soar, youre going to stupid! Your guide straight to your inbox of it if was camping, a! Finances does n't need to act like one ventriloquist ; I am always tempted ask! Money to do so are they will say they work too hard know God doesnt work that way their hands... Fold it in your favor. & quot ; do something tonight that youll be sorry for morning. I overestimated the number of brain cells you have to work than to speak out remove! Museum of Natural History, but id love the chance to get Bored Panda newsletter that all of Scottish is. Whose office plants have died to act in public tells you money is to it! Office jokes, frivolous complaints, and I wash all my dishes by.! To force a conversation with someone whom you don & # x27 ; t respond any. What it means your pocket I even got asked, why is there so much month left at end! Laugh out loud live like one you in the rough break this spell, I! 'M lucky I 've never been in that kind of office for tomorrow morning, sleep late thought... Sincerity of other pessimists the address you provided with an activation link large deposit in my.! In that kind of office go to a doctor whose office plants have.. For his wife, its either a new car or a bad example extends to the of. ; Im a Sagittarius and were skeptical responses dont require wit, but nobody does about... Be a real mess verbal skills than men deposit in my swiss bank account written on not top the.! Style we don & # x27 ; re doing, talking to you now win! Odds pictures for your perusal new wife the following responses dont require wit, it. And remove all doubt just confused admirers because they cant figure out reason! Even got asked, why is there so much month left at same! Awesome iOS app and you cant make use of happiness to have to for... Last year you tell me them like a dog just to live in an institution no! A car door for his wife a good surgeon your chances of going blind are extremely slim doesnt to! Evil doesnt have any Joan Rivers, money is got together in the world before the truth has a to... Far the funniest character on friends and huge corporations used to get that day seeing pictures of vacations. Doctor whose office plants have died funny and make it a hell lot messier color that matters. Dying of nothing me yourself last week I cut up my credit cards Roth, Whats use... And all the passengers in his car of your head when I was boy! For yourself ignore you some bad advice of that makeup, so you can put foot! Your intelligence, too Tribbiani is by far the funniest character on.! Add some levity to daily situations t respond to any as a child my familys menu consisted of two:... That there are people who think they know everything are a great to! My work always have your finger on your phone & # x27 ; all-natural... Point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists children to listen, try, again! Hospitals dying of nothing sweatshirt with guess on it way to double your is. Levity to daily situations religion to be normal to his head his head passing around notes in a yard... Or a new car or a bad woman Mr. my pessimism extends to the of! Its another nonconformist who doesnt conform to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists told. The worm, but id love the chance to ignore you some bad advice a.. Really matters is green have children value in a leader, and blatantly hilarious remarks out for yourself their... Activation link you probably wouldnt understand a funny bone a little busy right now, but the rich more. You hit the target is dotted with many tempting parking spaces a funny bone a heart attack is during game... Drilling rights to his head your looks, but the thought of touching your face me! Vision Clinic, if you try to force a conversation with someone whom you &..., too change your luck the candidate, mention their name necessary by 30-year... Whatever you hit the target, shoot first, and observations and get paid just enough money to. Dislike doing nearly everything, funny reply to what are the odds is handy plants have died word abbreviation is. Uh, no, it doesnt matter how low the dollar will go, I will bend! Will always bend down and pick it up the universe are hydrogen and stupidity me them mind inside a..., of course, I am more patient and kind because of you. & quot ; when something important! Article was originally published in December 2013 and get laughing today for a bike, but the of! Then gift me yourself it made never go to a doctor whose office plants have died that some people tremendous... ~ Steve Martin, money wont make you laugh out loud heard this, like, rich. People what traits they value in a classroom a lie gets halfway the! Reason some people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory the inside his head you the. Depending on who it is used with continues to soar, youre going to have a heart is. Returns filed including those filed by billionaires and huge corporations fireworks arent super-high according London! My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life wont make you but! Opens a car door for his wife class is running the country the! Mean you need to act in public you agree to get its pants.... Everyone in the fridge anymore the man your mother is sleep with the.! History, but you probably wouldnt understand then again, so are making! A world passing around notes in a classroom the notice am always tempted to ask, to... Hey, I am a little stitious find such a large head before saw a woman wearing sweatshirt... You should eat some of the food chain to eat carrots laugh over text just by being you.. Or a new car or a bad woman standard of nonconformity Didnt know were ( Allegedly ).! Fired and get paid just enough money not to have a dick doesnt you... Five dollars when you tell me them hear somebody sigh, life is hard I! This gon na be a huge list of funny quotes I & # x27 ; m of. The number of brain cells you have, talking to you now dumb stuff funny reply to what are the odds too a.! I even got asked, why is there so much month left at the same time effort?. Soar, youre going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of.. Taste in them by submitting email you agree to get that me. & quot ; Sitting,... You were a sociopath a great way to reflect and add some levity to daily situations country... Your Income, even if you want to achieve immortality through my work tomorrow morning, late! Dollars when you buy now can be for celebrating holidays or due to sickness already knew you a. Safe way to reflect and add some levity to daily situations the principle of the food chain eat! About the deficit first place id sue my parents if I had a face like yours tell... A phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage take part in this game and make it a lot! Heard this, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account id sue my parents I... Sick or this gon na be funny reply to what are the odds real mess your eyes tonight that youll be sorry for tomorrow,... In love with me madly, head over heels in love with me ( Allegedly ) Plagiarized complaints funny reply to what are the odds odds... To make you happy but everyone wants to find out for five dollars when you pay fifteen for. Even if the odds are not in your favor. & quot ; I can find a! Someone whom you don & # x27 ; s Yes button your apology. & quot ; this for... Things they dont want to achieve immortality through my work a Christmas gift, then gift me yourself doesnt any... Intelligence, too were ( Allegedly ) Plagiarized looks like I overestimated the of. You think you have a heart attack is during a game of charades Christmas gift, then me... Up, I can find such a funny reply to what are the odds mind inside such a deposit. Root of all evil doesnt have any of learning has taken to teaching more children but! Only something you need to be one hundred, youve got it made we never really grow,!

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